The first year after losing someone to suicide is usually a blur. There may be appointments, difficult dates, family responsibilities and people ringing to find out how you’re doing. Somewhere along the line, life around you begins to come back to normal.
Friends return to their routines. Your friends may stop asking how you’re doing. Family members are busy living their lives, and the person living with suicide grief may still be trying to figure out what life looks like now. Sometimes, it’s when the loneliness becomes more noticeable.
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When Support Starts Changing
People often realise you’re having a tough time in the early months. They may text you, call you, or just sit with you. There may be a sense in everyone that something important has changed. That support may fade away after the first year. People may think you are getting better or worry that talking about the person you lost will upset you. But suicide grief is not always easier to bear in silence.
Even after the first year, it’s still important to talk about the person, the memories, and the feelings that go with them.
Your Grief Has Not Gone Expired
There is no time limit to grief. The first anniversary may have passed, Christmas may have passed, birthdays or family gatherings may now look different. That’s not to say you should feel done grieving.
Some days are manageable. Then a little thing can bring on difficult feelings. A song, a picture or a favourite place can do it. This doesn’t mean you are going backwards. Grief can change shape over the years.
Why the Second Year Can Be Different
The second year can bring unexpected realisations. Everyone else seems to have moved on, and you’re stuck with the same questions, memories and feelings.
You may wonder:
- Why does everybody expect me to be better now?
- Why am I still having a hard time?
- Why don’t we talk about them anymore?
- Should I be dealing differently?
These questions can be part of a suicide bereavement. The outside world may have been moving at a different pace than your experience. From a psychological point of view, there is no schedule for grief. It’s about having the space to recognise what you are going through, rather than feeling like you have to be somewhere you are not.
It Is Alright to Keep Their Memory Close
Progress does not mean leaving anyone behind. You can still carry love and memories with you and continue with work, relationships and life in general. Healing from suicide loss is not about forgetting or acting like everything is fine. Sometimes it means finding a different way to carry what happened.
It could be talking about the person, keeping photos close or finding a small ritual that feels meaningful. There is no single way to remember.
Getting Support After the First Year
If the people around you seem to have moved on, finding support that understands suicide grief may help. Talking to a psychologist, joining a community of understanding, or even just having someone to listen can make it feel less lonely.
The first year is not a place. You are allowed to have difficult days, enjoy the good days and keep remembering the person you lost.
Suicide Grief Support provides compassionate support to people living with suicide grief. If you or someone you know would benefit from specialist support, please get in touch to find out more about the help available.